Just Keep Swimming

Who would have thought, a Disney quote as my title? (Insert sarcasm here.) I know it has been awhile since my last post, which is a shame because I use to love writing! Maybe that is why I adore photography so much; I'm a storyteller of pictures.

I've come to realize that virtual happiness (what you see on social media) is seldom connected to genuine emotions in reality, so let's get real for a minute. Something has happened to me that I feel needs shared, something that might explain my sometimes "blah" disposition, and maybe help someone else who is struggling start a conversation. If I'm lucky, this little post might help me too.

In November of last year I learned that I have Premature Ovarian Failure, aka POF. Even though I'm only in my early 30s, premature ovarian failure means that my brain releases hormones in low levels usually seen in women in their 60s. My doctors haven't been able to give me a reason why I suffer from POF or answer what, exactly, caused it (there isn't much literature on this diagnosis), but having POF makes getting pregnant incredibly difficult. I am literally "no spring chicken", and I have my egg count to prove it...

I'm currently stuck between the 2nd & 4th stages of grief (where you cry a lot and eat your feelings). I am blessed to have Mila, believe me, I know that. But just because I have one ridiculously awesome child, doesn't mean I wanted our growing family to stop there. Everyone has choices in life. You choose who to date, where to go to school, where to live, what to eat, what to wear, who to marry - the list goes on. Most great things in life won’t happen by chance, they will happen by choice, and when you lose both, most of your hope is gone too.

So getting to the moral of this post. For all the sessions, meetings, weddings and friends I've made along the way through photography, t h a n k y o u. I may be distant, slow to respond (which, if we're being honest, is usually the case for me no matter what) or an emotional mess right now, but other than my family and a few close friends, photography is what keeps me swimming <3